the 2022 Aero all-night horrorthon preview

I love the Aero’s all-night Horrorthon here in Los Angeles. It’s one of my favorite nights of the entire year. I first went in 2016, had to miss it in 2017, and have religiously attended every year since (with the exception of 2020, which was cancelled due to Covid). I’m more convinced than ever that the “cool kids” make a point of attending the New Beverly’s horror marathon, while the freaks and misfits flock to the Aero… with its bizarre subculture (“All hail the Corn Gorn!”) and weird rituals (“No more dirty catheters!”)… pre-show entertainment that revolves around everything from Telly Savalas to commercials for the Red Roof Inn (my personal favorite) to the US Census Bureau to Dennis Parker’s music video for “Like an Eagle” (don’t ask)… and oddball prizes (in recent years I’ve taken home a) a blu-ray copy of Enemy of the State (which I sold at Amoeba Music) b) a VHS copy of the Shirley Temple film Dimples (which I hid in my former roommate’s luggage before he moved to Kansas City) and c) a VHS copy of The Sand Pebbles with Steve McQueen (which I guess is still stashed in my closet somewhere)). 

The marathon used to be seven movies, but seems to have been scaled back to six post-Covid… but then I’ve never actually made it past four. Someday, perhaps. Anyway, in honor of the 17th Annual Aero Horrorthon this Saturday, I thought I would rank all of the films I’ve seen over the years. It’s important to stress that this isn’t simply a straight ranking of the movies in question - context plays a large role as well. So without further adieu --

15. Ruby (1977 - Curtis Harrington)
This Piper Laurie movie (something about a former gun moll running a drive-in theater with her mute daughter) was a torturously-paced drag, and the print was so scratched up it was barely even watchable. I napped defiantly through most of it.

14. Devil Fetus (1983 - Hung-Cheun Lau)
I am 100% all for the Horrorthon featuring more Asian cinema… but not cheap, forgettable junk like this. What a waste of time. There’s *so much* cool stuff out there, between Japan, South Korea, and Hong Kong. Do better, please.   

13. Body Melt (1993 - Philip Brophy)
By far the best thing about this movie was its tagline (Stage 1: Hallucinations. Stage 2: Organ Failure. Stage 3: Body Melt). Mostly it was just a poor imitation of Peter Jackson’s early work (specifically Dead Alive), with a few gonzo flourishes and a really bad script.   

12. It’s Alive (1974 - Larry Cohen)
This film is widely considered a cult classic (spawning a franchise of sorts), and features several overqualified collaborators (Rick Baker creature effects! Bernard Herrmann score!), but I had a lot of trouble getting past the grubby visuals and cheap exploitation vibe.  

11. Nightbeast (1982 - Don Dohler)
This movie’s production values are like half a notch above the sort of films you’d make in the backyard with the family Camcorder… and yet, the end result kinda, sorta won me over with its clumsy charms, low-rent special effects, and really weird, drawn-out sex scene.

10. Phantasm 2 (1988 - Don Coscarelli)
I’ll be honest… I don’t actually remember all that much about this movie, as I was basically running on fumes during it… but my basic impression was that if you decreased your enjoyment of the original Phantasm by like, I dunno… 15-20%?… then you’d essentially get this sequel.

09. Link (1986 - Richard Franklin)
Man, the 80s really were just a bottomless reservoir of random-ass movies, huh? Case in point - this totally bizarre Terence Stamp/Elisabeth Shue vehicle about an orangutan butler who turns murderous. Yes, that’s the actual plot. And it’s… actually kinda decent?

08. In the Mouth of Madness (1994 - John Carpenter)
This was a really fun opener, and the only reason it’s been dropped this low is the fact that I’d watched it several times in the preceding years. Also, the middle section flounders a bit, but unhinged 90s Sam Neill is the best kind of Sam Neill.

07. Halloween II (1981 - Rick Rosenthal)
Based on sheer quality, this obvious horror classic would be ranked much higher… but I’d literally just watched it, so the timing was unfortunate. That being said, the print was great and the crowd was seriously fired up - this screening came in *hot*. Yowza, I just singed my fingers! 

06. Maximum Overdrive (1986 - Stephen King)
I might have been more amped for this than any other Horrorthon screening to date. Of course, the film makes a pretty compelling case for why Stephen King never actually directed another feature, but its whole vibe lends itself nicely to chugging energy drinks at two in the morning.  

05. Critters (1986 - Stephen Herek)
I totally adored this cheap Gremlins knockoff as a kid, and hadn’t actually seen it since the 80s… so even though it hasn’t exactly aged all that well (disappointingly), the nostalgic impact of this screening cannot be overstated. Two words: Johnny Steele!

04. House of Wax (2005 - Jaume Collet-Serra)
Yeah, okay - this is probably way too high, but I was in *exactly* the right mood at the time (also I was tweaking on Rockstar Silver Ice). I miss the early aughts, when studios routinely dropped 40-million on horror flicks like these without batting an eye. Added bonus - Elisha Cuthbert in a tank top.  

03. The Blob (1988 - Chuck Russell)
Popped my Horrorthon cherry with this inspired opener (you might notice the opening selections are never duds - no fools, these Horrorthon programmers). This is actually an impressively gruesome film that stands alongside The Thing and The Fly amongst the very best 80s horror remakes.   

02. Jason X (2001 - James Isaac)
I was stunned how much fun I had rewatching this F13 entry (which I’d brusquely dismissed back in 2001). Part of it was the film being yet another perfect opener, but I also better appreciate that era of New Line horror now, when they just did crazy crap like “Uber-Jason… in space!!!”

01. The Entity (1982 - Sidney J. Furie)
This deeply unsettling paranormal thriller (inspired by true events) had me rapt. What’s funny is, it’s precisely the *wrong* sort of movie for a Horrorthon - it’s not “fun,” it’s extremely mood-heavy, and it runs a whooping 125 minutes. And yet, it remains easily my favorite screening to-date.