Saints row (2022)

Quentin Tarantino once wrote “There are only two kinds of people in the world, Beatles people and Elvis people. Now Beatles people can like Elvis and Elvis people can like the Beatles, but nobody likes them both equally. Somewhere you have to make a choice. And that choice, tells you who you are.” Likewise, there are two kinds of gamers in the world - those who think the pinnacle of the Saints Row franchise was the semi-grounded Saints Row 2 (which fulfilled the initial promise of an even looser, zanier alternative to the Grand Theft Auto series) and those who think it was the unapologetically over-the-top and almost aggressively silly Saints Row the Third (most seem to agree that Saints Row IV - with its berserk blend of superpowers and space aliens in a Matrix-like computer simulation - probably took things a step too far).​

The new Saints Row reboot is unlikely to pull support from either side. Much of the discourse surrounding its release has been the usual tedious debate over whether the game is too woke (or conversely, not woke enough). There’s no doubt the more outrageous aspects of its personality have been tamped down a bit (no more bludgeoning enemies to death with dildos the size of baseball bats), its edge noticeably dulled, but claims that Volition “bent the knee” by deliberately neutering its own franchise prove breathlessly alarmist. Nonetheless, that just means people have been fixated on the wrong issue, which is the obvious uncertainty over what a 2022 iteration of Saints Row even looks (or plays) like. It's a question that Volition doesn't seem to have an answer to.

As usual, a robust “Boss Factory” (which players have used to reproduce everyone from John Wick to Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders) allows you to customize and fine-tune your own lead character. The regular supporting lineup (Gat, Shaundi, Pierce, etc…) has been jettisoned controversially in favor of a new trio of hipster millennials - LARPing numbers-cruncher Eli, routinely shirtless DJ Kevin, and sassy gearhead Neenah - who are perfectly harmless (and, on occasion, almost endearing), even though their mere presence has been denounced as sacrilege by most fans (let’s be honest though - beyond Gat, the  original cast isn’t nearly as iconic as people like to pretend). After you get fired on your very first day working for the private military contractor Marshall Defense Industries, you decide to launch your own criminal empire, setting up shop in an abandoned church and crowning your new outfit “the Saints.” And away we go.​

Saints Row scratches the itch for old-school open-world games, in which you have the freedom to mess around with deliberate, almost aggressive aimlessness (minus any real sense of moral repercussion) within a sprawling cartoon playpen. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not an itch that gets scratched all that much these days - certainly not by the Grand Theft Auto series, which perfected the formula but - for better or for worse - has long since evolved beyond its fundamental essence. Santo Ileso - which is like some fentanyl-laced, funhouse version of Las Vegas, crossed with every tacky Route 66 tourist trap you’ve ever passed, then tossed in a blender with a generous fistful of Southwest seasoning - is a suitably colorful setting and for the first few hours it’s genuinely fun just driving around and taking in the tongue-in-cheek sights (preferably in the “I Dream of Weenie” food truck, which I got way too much of a chuckle out of).

Goofy side activities and casually sociopathic behavior occupy your time outside the campaign, though much of your focus will be pulled towards launching business ventures across Santo Ileso’s 15 districts and systematically leveling them up… and unfortunately, this is where Saints Row begins to stray dangerously from “addictive gameplay loop” into the far dicier realm of “mind-glazing grind.” Not terribly interested in seeing the Saints’ raft of felonious enterprises evolve from Tier 2 to Tier 3? Too bad, because that evolution happens to be inextricably (and - some might say - inexplicably) linked to your ability to progress through the main story missions. So get grinding! Series staple “Insurance Fraud” - in which you hurl yourself in front of oncoming traffic and pingpong between vehicles like a human rag doll - never gets old, but the majority of these tasks - driving trucks laden with toxic waste barrels across the city with mind-numbing caution; fetching specified vehicles for JimRob’s Garage; tracking down rare materials for an eccentric fashionista - are little more than mindless busywork.

But then much of Saints Row amounts to fun ideas sabotaged by weak execution. One of your side hustles involves heading to various Santo Ileso businesses (Batter Up Donuts, the Snake Oil Saloon, Foxtails strip club) and leaving the equivalent of a scathing Yelp review… but all this does is trigger a generic encounter with one of the city’s designated gangs, no different than any other bullet-riddled skirmish. Joining in on Eli’s LARPing adventures - in which you don cardboard armor and fire foam darts at your enemies - is initially good for a laugh, but the gag wears thin in a hurry… particularly over the course of multiple missions (you can only listen to your character yell "Pew pew!" so many times). Combat is fundamentally sound, and there’s a satisfying “pop” to each fatal headshot - not unlike a watermelon bursting… but your arsenal is surprisingly dull. A basic assortment of pistols and assault rifles, shotguns and melee weapons - though you unlock a handful of special moves as you level up that liven things up just a tad (a flaming punch here, deployment of an antigravity device there - that sort of thing).​

The overriding impression, however, is just how much the game looks and plays like Saints Row the Third - which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing… if that iteration weren’t eleven years old, literally dating back an entire console generation to the PS3. It’s a rather shocking lack of innovation (or ambition) on Volition’s part, as if they were paralyzed by the prospect of needing to evolve. Coming off the underwhelming (and poor-selling) Agents of Mayhem, one might have hoped for a more, shall we say… decisive opening salvo on next-gen consoles. Even the soundtrack (which features a few choice selections, such as Naughty By Nature’s “Feel My Flow” and “Cloud Connected” by In Flames) feels a little too reminiscent of the sort of skating and racing titles that populated previous Playstation eras.

Alas… but in spite of Saints Row serving as a convenient punching bag for sarcastic YouTube bloggers and gaming journalists, there’s still a certain Cool-Ranch-Doritos-washed-down-with-Monster-Energy junk food charm to the experience… it’s an easy enough game to sink 35-40 hours into. In spite of the often shaky humor (it frequently makes Borderlands 3 look like it was written by Nabakov), trifling amusements abound - such as the tongue-in-cheek factoids you can listen to across the city’s numerous historical sites, or shopping at the Million Dollar Store, where a pair of socks will run you a cool mil (actually that's pretty dumb), or smashing vehicles with a Back to the Future Part II-style hoverboard. As a reboot, Saints Row does precious little to pave the way towards an exciting new future for the franchise (if anything, it kneecaps it), but it does scratch the aforementioned itch... which, in the spirit of faint but sincere praise, is more than a lot of other games managed to accomplish this past year.